


A Mother Without a Child

by ellisinprogress1



Category: Glee
Genre: Beth (mentioned) - Freeform, Character Study, F/F, Faberry, Faberry baby, Hurt No Comfort, Quinn Fabray Needs a Hug, future faberry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellisinprogress1/pseuds/ellisinprogress1
Summary: Little Future Faberry fic, Rachel and Quinn got married and are having a baby. Quinn is thinking about her own baby and how different it feels this time.
Relationships: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the future, Quinn and Rachel are pregnant. Santana is mentioned, and even though i didn't mention it, there's Brittana behind the scenes.

Quinn is lying on her back staring at the ceiling, she's tracing the dark patches with her eyes, allowing the shapes to jump out at her. She can't sleep. Again. Rachel’s the pregnant one, yet she's sleeping soundly beside Quinn, snoring a little maybe, but pregnancy would do that to you.  
Quinn turns over so her back is facing Rachel. The crib is in the corner, next to the window. The mobile that Rachel made them is hanging above it, static. Quinn remembers the last crib she saw in the corner of her room. She remembers coming home to the empty crib, knowing that there would be nothing to fill it. That crib was heavy.

Heavy when her mom carried it out and down the stairs, heavy in Quinn’s heart because it would stay cold. That crib had been a ball of dark in the corner of her room. She was sitting on the end of her bed when her mom said “we should get rid of it.” Quinn hadn't said anything, but closed her eyes and nodded. She wasn't able to help carry it out, she hurt too bad. Hurt from having a baby, and hurt from not having it. Her bump was just a gaping hole under her dress, empty, where her daughter had once been. As she watched her mother take the crib apart and haul it down the stairs, she had never felt so alone.  
The crib in the corner of their room under the window was a ball of hope. This crib was not empty, it was waiting. Quinn got up and walked over to the crib, careful not to move the bed too much and wake up Rachel. She put her hand on the blankets folded up in there. Cold. She closed the window.

Rachel stirred and rolled over as Quinn got back into bed. The mobile was swaying slightly as Quinn looked at it.  
The first time Rachel had told Quinn about the way her body was changing to accommodate their new baby, Quinn had nodded as she remembered what that felt like. Quinn said “I’m fine.” when Rachel asked, but hadn't realised until they had walked away why Quinn had tears in her eyes when she nodded. The next time Rachel didn't tell Quinn. And Quinn was quietly grateful. This meant that she got to forget about the way she felt when she went to bed that first night, seeing the empty corner where the crib had been. She always felt like the room was too big for just her. She had put dressers and chairs to fill up the space left when her mom took it away, but nothing had ever felt right. In the end she left that space empty, a little piece of what she was missing.  
This meant that Quinn looked at her hands less. She looked at her empty hands, that should be holding her daughter, less. She got to use her hands for other things, cooking, kissing her wife, building cribs. She didn't build the crib in the corner under the window though, she couldn't build it just herself. She had called Santana over to help her, and she had come, wine and dinner in hand, to help Quinn. Santana had asked Quinn to help her “hold this here” and “screw that in”, but in the end she just let Quinn sit on the edge of the bed and watch her build it. Quinn had asked “Is it too heavy?” and Santana had understood. “No.”  
Quinn plays that “No.” over and over in her head, trying to see this time as different, this baby is hers, and she gets to take them home and put them in the crib they built and close the window and keep them warm. She gets so see them take their first steps, say their first word, wake up too early and stay up too late to her baby crying. She gets to do all the “bad” parts of parenthood. Quinn wishes she knew how to do them all. But she missed her first chance. 

Quinn hadn't realised that she was sitting up, until she hears Rachel get up beside her.  
“What’s wrong?” Rachel asks, her voice thick with sleep.  
“Nothing.” Quinn says. “I was just thinking.” She shakes her head, “nothing important.”  
Rachel has already turned back over. “You wanna talk about it?” Rachel asks, barely understandable against the pillow. Quinn was afraid of that being asked. She lies back down, goes back to staring at the ceiling. “I don’t think I know how to explain it.”  
Rachel turns over so that her chin is resting on Quinn’s shoulder, she closes her eyes. Quinn can feel Rachel’s eyelashes brushing against her neck. “okay” she says. 

Rachel does know what wrong, its the same thing that's been wrong since they first decided to try and have a baby. She had seen it that day when the test came back positive and she yelled for Quinn down the hall. She had seen it when they had their first doctors appointment, and the little dark blob had shown up on the screen. Rachel was crying tears of hope and happiness for their new baby. Quinn was too, but mixed in, deep down, were regrets and choices made years ago. Quinn remembers seeing that blob the first time. She had walked out of that doctors office with nothing but fear in her heart. Fear for herself, fear for her baby.  
Rachel had seen it when their baby kicked for the first time, Quinn had rolled over on the couch to press her hand gently onto Rachel’s stomach and feel the tiny little feet. Then she had rolled back over, pressed play on Netflix and watched the rest of the movie. She doesn't know what happened at the end of that movie because the screen was too hard to see through the blur of tears. Rachel doesn't know the ending either, she had spent the whole time drafting questions in her head to ask her wife. Are you ready to have another baby? Even though you never really had the first one?  
Rachel is sure she will see the same look on her face when their son is born, and she doesn’t know what she is going to do when she does see it. 

Rachel falls asleep on Quinn's shoulder, mouth open, snoring. Quinn is just glad she could sleep.


	2. The littlest Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Faberry babies! And they're still sad. Oops.

Rachel is lying on her back in bed. She’s gripping the edges of the comforter, white knuckled. She keeps lifting it up and seeing that she doesn't have a bump. It’s been a year and she still has to remind herself that her son is asleep in the other room. Quinn is lying in bed next to her, arms out like a starfish, a soft smile on her face. Rachel can see the little bump where their second baby is. Rachel wants, so badly, to wake Quinn up and tell her how much she loves her. She knows better than to do that after last time. (“I’m pregnant Rachel, don’t wake me up for anything. Unless, the house is burning down, I don’t want to know”)

Rachel gets out of bed, putting her slippers on and shuffling through to their son’s room. She can hear his light snoring when she walks in. Moving the mobile out the way of her head, she walks over to his crib. He’s lying on his back, arms out like a starfish, a sleepy smile on his face. He’s a complete double of his mom. Blonde hair, green eyes. He’s starting to laugh like her as well. Big and gentle and pretty. Rachel remembers the first time he did. The two of them where standing over his chair at the dinner table while he was eating. They where arguing. “I do not snore, Quinn, I would know if I did!”   
Quinn burst out laughing, throwing her head back. Rachel just stood there, looking scorned. The baby threw his head back as well, belling-laughing with his mother. The same laugh. Rachel started crying, she didn’t really know why. But this made her so happy, the two most important people in her life, laughing together. “Oh my god, Rach, it’s not that big of a deal, I’m so sorry” Rachel had to shake her head and whisper through tears. “It’s not that. I’m just so happy.”

He’s still sleeping in front of her, the same way Quinn does. Rachel kisses her hand and presses it gently onto his belly. And she pads back to bed, back to Quinn, back to sleep, and back to holding the top of the comforter too tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave kudos and a comment to tell me what you think! Thanks :)


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